Waiting....

This post is all about waiting....

I've been waiting to start a new food trial. Why? Because I'm scared. Our first two foods were both safe foods. I feel like that was pretty lucky. I'm feeling like I shouldn't press my luck. I'm waiting because I'm too scared to move forward.

Have you been waiting for more news? Waiting for an update? I'm sorry if I've disappointed.

We were waiting last night... after G had her first accidental ingestion. Ellie was enjoying an apple. She KNOWS she can only eat at the kitchen counter or table. She knows it, but she's three. She went to her room to play and I thought she left the apple behind. I put G down to play with Ellie in her room, left momentarily and returned to find G licking/gnawing the apple as best she could. Truth be told, she looked so damn happy with that apple in her mouth/hand that it was almost heartbreaking to take it away. It was almost heartbreaking - and I snatched it away quick as lightening and felt the breath whoosh out of my chest just as fast. I called John as he was on his way home from work to tell him the news. We put the girls to bed and waited. And waited. We have no idea of knowing how much/how little apple (if anything) that G got, but the worry was huge. I accepted long ago that accidental ingestion at some point was inevitable - but I didn't think it would happen quite so soon. It's hard not to beat yourself up. I should have watched Ellie closer. I should have could have would have should have..... We waited. And nothing happened.

So, it's our hope that all the waiting will end on Monday. I intend to buy and prepare apples for our next food trial and start on Monday morning. Perhaps the lack of reaction to the apple gave me courage? Perhaps the other moms who share their stories online are inspiring me? Perhaps my own exhaustion is pushing me forward because WOW does a 10.5 month old who all but exclusively nurses eat a lot and eat often. Somehow, the joy of days without a food trials soured into days of agitated avoidance. It's time to stop waiting. Apples are in season.